Gigs of Grace - Part 2: The Sync

This is part two in a 2-part series. Be sure and read Gigs of Grace—Part 1: The Download.

I’m walking home from my meeting tonight, the cool night breeze blowing in my hair, a brand new iPod in my pocked blasting out My Morning Jacket, and I am at peace. It’s more than the weather, it’s more than the new toy (which is GREAT!); it is the awareness of a Higher Power who actually loves me. I couldn’t help but laugh, and when I laughed I had a strange feeling that He was laughing too. Tonight, peace is like a huge exhale, like setting down a heavy pack after miles of walking and taking a drink of cold water. It’s comfortable and fun and free. I haven’t had one urge to drink today, I haven’t even thought about it! That’s God.

A few hours earlier I was on my way to a men’s recovery meeting and I couldn’t help but smile as I thought about the things that happened to me today. The gigs of grace that I received, the fun I had at lunch after church and how I am really enjoying getting to know these new friends and this new God. I made a deal with God as I walked. I told Him that I would share what happened to me today at the meeting IF the topic happened to be about spirituality. That doesn’t happen all that often, so I felt that it was a safe bet and I would be able to keep my mouth shut and just listen during the meeting, which is what I prefer to do.

I got to the meeting a few minutes late and just as I sat down the guy chairing the meeting began talking. “I would like to hear more about your experiences with the second step,” he said… Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

I could almost hear Him laughing, and I couldn’t help but smile… “Ok, you got me,” I thought. So, about halfway through the meeting I shared my experiences with step 2. I opened up and told these guys how I have been having a real difficult time with the whole God thing. I briefly explained how my past experiences have left me with a very confused, warped and negative concept of God (to put it mildly). I shared about how I have been borrowing my sponsor’s Higher Power this past week, praying daily to the God of his understanding in the morning:

“Ok… Here we go… God of my sponsor’s understanding, please help me today. Please remove the desire to drink from me and help me know how to handle situations that will arise which could lead me down the wrong path. Thanks…”

And I’ve been closing the day with a prayer of thanks, hoping that one of these days I’ll have a God of my own understanding. This is not a struggle that is unique to me, I know many people, like myself, who are in early recovery who are having a hard time with this. I also know of many people who are not in recovery who are trying to find something to believe in. It is part of the human process. It is a journey we all are on. But for me, if I don’t get connected with a Higher Power I’ll most likely end up drunk or high, which will lead to very, very bad things.

Today something has changed. I sat in the meeting and shared what happened to me earlier today (what I wrote in Gig of Grace, Part 1), leaving nothing out. I looked around as I spoke and I saw a room full of recovering alcoholics, men who have been beaten down by alcoholism and who are trying to rebuild. Men who are determined to stay clean and sober. Men who desperately need the hand of a Higher Power in their life. Men like me. I described the tears I had earlier today to these guys without shame, the feeling of being wrapped in a warm blanket, and the strange sense that everything was going to be okay. I almost came to tears again when I described to them what it was like to open that envelope, pull out the card and see the Laughing Jesus looking back at me.

It was a good meeting. I’m not sure if what I said helped anyone else, but it helped me to share it. Besides, a deal is a deal, right?

I left the recovery meeting feeling like everything was going to be okay. I didn’t have to drink today, and I’m starting to gain my own understanding of my Higher Power. I think that maybe I’ll talk to Him in the morning; I can always go back to borrowing my sponsor’s if things don’t work out…