Wear Out Your Welcome
My husband and I have officially worn out our welcome. The “welcome” word on our doormat, that is.
A few weeks ago, Ryan noted that the welcome mat at our front door was faded and shredded. You couldn’t even read any of the various multi-lingual “welcomes” that once covered it. As usual, our perspectives on this mundane domestic development were about as distant as the loyalties of Red Sox and Yankees fans or the political views of Mary Matalin and James Carville.
My immediate reaction: That’s terrible, we need a new one! Our house is a mess!
Ryan’s immediate reaction: That’s awesome, we’ve invested our resources well! Our house is always full of people!
It’s not often that I like Ryan’s perspective better, but in this instance, I’m willing to part with my opinion.
It’s true. We have worn out our welcome. And I think that’s awesome. Here’s what I’m learning: Discipleship and hospitality are closely connected. When I hear the word “hospitality,” I tend to think of teacups and doilies and good manners and well-set tables. And while those domestic niceties are certainly a dimension of hospitality, the teachings of Scripture are forcing me to re-evaluate and re-imagine the role of hospitality in our lives. Hospitality in its most raw biblical sense is not about well ordered tables but about well ordered hearts. It’s about being on the front lines of advancing God’s kingdom, saving lives, and creating safe and sacred places in the midst of uncertain situations. It’s about bringing salvation to people in need.
A prostitute across enemy lines, Rahab dared to give room and board to the Israelite spies. The Good Samaritan defied cultural stereotypes to stop for a man in need. Ananias sought out the murderer Saul (who happened to have a warrant for Ananias’ arrest) to disciple him in his first steps as a Christ-follower.
In every situation, the practice of hospitality brought the presence, power, and protection of God because one person had the guts to welcome strangers, enemies, and chaos into their lives.
I can’t think of a better way to describe ministry in today’s culture. Young adults are craving connections to one another, to meaning, and to a God who seems distant and hard to understand. If we want to pass the baton of faith to the next generation, we must learn the craft of creating safe places to pass on a dangerous message, to turn chaos into community, and to bring healing to messy wounds. And it begins by opening our door.
In Paul’s first letter to the young pastor Timothy, he gave instructions concerning the challenge and process of establishing leaders for the church. One of the traits Paul required for leadership was hospitality. Given the biblical context, I don’t think Paul was looking for “nice” men here. He wasn’t looking for men with culinary abilities, domestic skills, and subscriptions to Southern Living; rather he was looking for men who were willing to take the lead in embracing uncertainty, taking risks, and welcoming strangers for the purpose of letting God’s power and presence invade the lives of others.
What if we practiced this kind of hospitality in our small groups? What if we practiced it in our individual lives? It doesn’t require a lot of preparation and a copy of Emily Post’s etiquette book. One of my most meaningful conversations with a small group member happened recently as she sat on the floor of my bedroom while I packed for a trip. It’s really more about our hearts than our tables being set for guests.
If you are a small group leader, disciple-maker, mentor, pastor, then here’s my challenge to you today: Invite people into life with Christ by inviting them into your life, and invite them into your life by inviting them into your home. For dinner. Dessert. Games. Movies. To help you pack for your trip. Don’t just invite them in when the house is prepared for guests. Invite them in when it bears the marks of life. Wear out your welcome.
About the Author
Heather Zempel leads the discipleship efforts at National Community Church in Washington, D.C., where she provides leadership and vision for the small group ministry. Dedicated to helping others create communities that foster spiritual growth, she frequently writes and speaks on the topics of creative discipleship and spiritual formation. She lives on Capitol Hill with her husband Ryan and blogs at heatherzempel.com.
There have been 5 replies so far
I worry about this statement: “In every situation, the practice of hospitality brought the presence, power, and protection of God because one person had the guts to welcome strangers, enemies, and chaos into their lives.”
I have been convicted of my need to reach out to my neighbors in the condo complex I just moved into and extend hospitality to my neighbors. This week (while I have not yet invited any one of my ‘safe’ neighbors into my home), I feel God boldly inviting me to extend that hospitality to the homeless dwelling in tents in the field at the end of my street. I am afraid of these people, I fear what they might bring ~ that “chaos” might be putting it mildly if I invite them in.
My concern with your statement is about the “protection of God” that you describe. I immediately think of John the Baptist and the ‘protection’ he received for his hospitality towards the Son of God! I know that I must risk like John, but can I do it with some sort of assurance that I’ll receive the kind of protection Rahab received?
1 | Kelly
Thursday, August 13, 2009, at 2:00pm
Hey Kelly- Thanks for your comments. And great question! As with everything we do when ministering on the front lines of Kingdom work, I believe we need to listen to the Spirit and use discernment. And it sounds like you are already extending the kind of hospitality I am talking about!
There is definitely a balance. When Ananias brought Saul into his home, that was scary. But he had a clear directive from God that he was supposed to do that. Sometimes we meet people where they are at (which is the typical environment for meeting the needs of our homeless friends in DC). Sometimes we bring people into our homes. When I say “in every situation,” I simply mean that whenever someone in the Scriptures followed God’s command to extend a helping hand to another, something powerful happened in the lives of both people.
Bottom line— hospitality is something we are commanded to do in Scriptures. Sometimes it happens in our homes. Sometimes outside of our homes. But I think we need to shift our thinking just a bit from our houses being fortresses and retreats for ourselves and outposts for the extension of God’s love. One last thought- hospitality in church history was usually extended within the context of community. So…if you do invite people into your home that you don’t know…make sure you don’t do it alone!
2 | Heather Zempel
Friday, August 14, 2009, at 8:28am
Agreed big time with the last thing Heather said… don’t do it alone! Me being a young man called into discipleship could, say, disciple a young woman, and we’re called to discipleship, right? Yes, but it’s not my job as a young man to disciple a woman around my age, even if she needs it.
You have a good chance of downplaying the chaos that could happen by having many people already at your house that share your vision.
3 | Levi Dawson
Tuesday, August 18, 2009, at 12:28pm
It is scary to take that first step but if you surround yourself with like minded beings in service for our Lord Jesus it is awesome to extend that first invitation and know you have done what God asked you. I have taken a lot of big first steps in the past two years and am in shock at how much that effected others around me to want to do the same. I never thought God would use me this way. We have an obligation to do what HE ask of us and if we don’t then we have not only hindered what God can do in our lives but everyone around us. We are starting a College/Career class this year to reach out to that age group. Heather you have inspired me to do likewise. Thanks
4 | Donna
Thursday, August 20, 2009, at 9:44am
Thanks for taking the time to post such a detailed and informative article. It has given me a lot of inspiration and I look forward to more like this in the future. Regards,
5 | Everton Tickets
Wednesday, August 26, 2009, at 2:52pm
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