The Heartbeat of Discipleship

We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.

1 Thessalonians 2:8

The Legacy of a Friendship

As my flight landed in Orlando, I couldn’t wait to see Dawn. We’ve been friends since I was a freshman and she was was on staff with a church that reached out at the University of Texas in Austin. Her smile and warm laugh helped me feel welcome among the strangers gathered at the pizza dinner the church hosted. Later that year, when some of my relationships got really messy, it was Dawn who walked beside me and shared her life and Christian principles with me, helping me through a difficult time.

Now, here I am a professional single in my 30’s, and Dawn is the tennis-loving mother of 3 teenagers. The principles she taught me and the character she helped to build in my life have helped me in turn build into other women. Her legacy of discipleship was founded and continued in her true friendship with me.

In many churches, discipleship is a much talked of, but rarely seen phenomenon. There are great resources put into programs for discipleship, and the pastors and staff of the church pray diligently for the members to grow as disciples of Christ. But this system is badly broken in a world of young adults who distrust programs and institutions. In many ways, this is good news. It means getting back to the heartbeat of discipleship—relationship.

Jesus’ Example

When you look at Jesus’ interactions with his disciples, you see that He didn’t enroll them in a program, a set of courses, or give them reams of assigned reading. He built relationships with his disciples, and made the day to day events of life into teaching opportunities through story and through upsetting their preconceived notions about religion, God, neighbors, power, money, and many other subjects.

For a few years, I went to Dawn’s house one night a week. I’d watch the kids while she and her husband, Steve, got away for some much-needed time together. When they got home, Dawn, Steve and I got an hour to just talk about life. But I would grab any time I could spend with her. I went to the grocery store with her and the kids, helping her load toddler seats and groceries in the car, and we got to talk deeply as we drove around Austin. She not only gave me godly advice; I got to see her dealing with the ups and downs of real life—not a sanitized version of how things ought to be like you get in a classroom setting.

Yet in most churches today, we’ve become masters of the classroom approach to learning. As a result, many long-term members have heads filled with knowledge, but their practical muscles are too weak to stand any curve balls that real life throws. Their lives aren’t characterized by sacrificial love. They remain in the Christian bubble, not making any friends with those who are lost spiritually. Their prayer and devotion life is shallow and selfish.

Can we break down the walls that isolate the teachers from the students, and instead of building classrooms, build relationships? The number of people one “teacher” can be friends with is much smaller than the number he or she can lecture. But discipleship is passed on relationally, by taking small moments to share deep truths, and allowing God’s spirit to water the seed and make it grow, while the teacher’s life becomes a non-stop lesson in how to live as a disciple.

We All Need a Friend

I have gone to many workshops, conferences, teachings, and read many books in my quest towards spiritual maturity. The funny thing is that I always needed a personal component to help me process what I learned. I needed conversations with friends like Dawn to help me see what in my life needed to change in response to what I’d learned. I found that I can’t grow in a vacuum away from real, heart-searching conversations, away from a hand full of people who know my strengths and weaknesses, my past, my present, my hopes for the future. These people anchor what I learn mentally. And they help me see the most important things to focus on, so I’m not overwhelmed into stagnation by trying to change too many things at once.

These friends also help me understand God’s grace towards my weaknesses, and His patience towards my slow growth in maturity. They help me celebrate the small steps of faith, the small acts of love, the small moments of humility, that show me God’s work in my life.

For young adults, these relationships create the security and safety of spiritually-nourishing family units that most of them are lacking. They provide the fertile ground of connection for their lonely hearts. They give them a safe zone as they exercise their muscles of faith in a harsh world. They provide the encouragement, challenge, and coaching to help them grow from one stage of maturity to another.

A Call to Relationship

Can we remember Christ’s example of discipleship, and focus on living life together with a few young adults as our primary hope of discipleship? And in turn, encourage these friends to form true friendships with those who don’t yet know Christ? If we can focus our limited energies in the messiness of real relationships, we’ll see God move in our lives in amazing ways that a program can never accomplish. And we’ll see friendships like mine with Dawn’s develop over the years.