Moldy Pumpkin Pie and Five Tips for Leading Small Groups

For the past 4 months I have had the privilege of living life with a group of folks from my church. Call it a small group, community group, connection group or whatever your church is calling it these days, but my eyes have been re-opened to the necessity of journeying through life with others, this past year.

Now I have always been a little bit intimidated by words like community and authenticity and still am to some degree. Granted I know they are good, meaningful words that represent very meaningful concepts, but they always seemed a little elusive and abstract. However it wasn’t until a few years ago that I really understood how valuable this can be, and I am so grateful that God has brought this to the forefront of my life again.

When I was charged with the task of leading a community group at my church this year, I of course had similar concerns, hopes and expectations for the group that most of us have when leading a group.

-Would anything meaningful happen during the group?
-Would people come back from week to week?
-Would I enjoy leading or would it become a chore?

I showed up the first week and realized that my group members, or “cast of characters” as I like to call them, were going to be an interesting mix. A handful of twenty and thirtysomethings like me, a couple middle aged unmarried folks, three couples and a single mom. Again, these were all people that I had met before or seen at church but for the most part not the people I was hanging out with on a Friday night. Yet, I quickly began to see a group emerge that I was going to enjoy.

Last night our group came together to celebrate the Holiday season and to simply reflect on our time together this semester and I was taught a valuable lesson, in the most unlikely of places.

Everyone in the group had agreed to bring some food for a dinner and my co-leader said she was going to bring a pie that was leftover from Thanksgiving with her family in Virginia. So, we were getting all the food together and she pulls out a pumpkin pie to put on the table to find it covered in mold.

Now of course, we didn’t eat the pie, but in some corny, hoky, 7th grade youth group kind of way, that pie was a valuable object lesson for me. She had brought the pie with the sole intent of it being edible, presentable, pleasing to the taste buds and sight, however it wasn’t what it seemed.

And in some crazy way, that moment helped me realize why I enjoy being a part of the group so much. From day one there was an atmosphere created in our group that screamed, “it’s okay if you don’t have it all together”. No matter how you think you need to feel or how others may be expecting you to feel, this is a place for you…mold and all. Because of this I have witnessed such a beatiful thing happen.

As our group felt the freedom to be themselves that begat freedom for others to be themselves as well, which has led to a very dynamic group.

So all that to say I am thankful for a moldy pie that helped me realize the necessity of creating an atmosphere where it is okay to be yourself, even if you are trying to project something different about yourself to others.

In the same token, I have also learned some valuable lessons about leading this small “moldy pumpkin pie avoiding” community group.

1. Do not take yourself so seriously: Life is too short and you have just a limited time to journey with your group. Make your time meaningful while realizing the last thing your group wants is an extension of the horrible meeting they have been in all day at work.
2. Be Yourself: We are often led to believe that in order to take a group to a level that is functioning with authentic community that we have to reinvent ourselves, whereas in all honesty you are much more likely to experience a fantastic group when you are just yourself.
3. Take personal responsibility for your group: Your group consists of people that God has entrusted you with and the group meetings that go exceptionally well and the group meetings that go exceptionally bad are both your responsibility.
4. Be sensitive with your time: Explain to your group the first meeting about the length of your small group and ask them to hold you accountable to that time.
   • 1.5 hour is a great length for a group from start to finish
   • 2 hours means you need to start being more selective about what you bring up
   • 2.5 hour means you are talking too much
5. Be sensitive to the hurt and broken people in your group: There are few things that will rally and bond a group quicker than when you mobilize the group to minister to another group member who is hurting. Being aware of those hurting within your group and calling up the group to help is a very positive step in achieving true community.