Leaders—a New Perspective

Each time I begin a small group, I get excited. Who knows who God is going to put in the group? What new friends, what undiscovered talents, gifts, and one day, leaders who will take the ministry to a level I could only dream of? For years, I had the wrong mentality when it came to building into the people in my small group. I only looked for those who “fit the mold” of leadership - faithful, available, teachable people who would learn from me and other leaders in the church, not buck the system. In the process I’d churn out a wonderful line of cookie-cutter Christian leaders who all minded their p’s and q’s. Over the past two years, I’ve learned that this way of looking for leaders is narrow-minded and doesn’t allow for the amazing creativity of God - who doesn’t look for cookie-cutter Christians, but for each one of us to live out the uniqueness He’s put into us!

That doesn’t mean that faithfulness, availability and teachability are unimportant - they are! But what those qualities look like may vary from one person to another. Teachability doesn’t mean not bucking the system - a teachable person may be as controversial in your local ministry as John the Baptist! What it does mean is having a sense of humility and a desire to learn from the experience and spiritual journeys of other people (which you see when John recognizes Jesus’ leadership).

So, how do we build into the young men and women who are in our small groups? I’m writing this as much for myself as for you. I’m tired of leading with a legalistic outline that all my “leadership candidates” need to fit into.

No Place for Favoritism

First of all, I need to repent of valuing a person who is ready and eager to step into leadership more than a person who is needy and testing my patience. A small group is a place for both of these people, and I need to live out Christ’s love to both of these people. “I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism…” Acts 10:34

Lead Vulnerably

Second, I need to lead vulnerably. I need to take risky leaps of vulnerability in front of the group. These need to be appropriate, but they will always feel more revealing than I would normally deem necessary. My heart is continually challenged by the verse that says: “We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.” 1 Thes 2:8

I used to think I was being vulnerable when I shared about things I used to struggle with, but had now “figured out.” After all, I was being honest about how I struggled, wasn’t I? I didn’t realize that this gave off the impression that I no longer struggled, and that now, I had everything all figured out. What a false impression! How difficult for the people in my small group to feel they could relate to me! They could only relate to the Tina from 5 years ago, not the Tina they were talking to now. So, I have to be real about things I’m confused by, overwhelmed with, and mired in right now.

Another part of being vulnerable is asking for help. Not only because by delegating I’m helping someone take ownership of the group and feel responsible for it (although that will happen). It’s also because I can’t do it all on my own! I not only need to model responsibility, I need to model that it’s okay to need help. I was struck by this verse in Galatians: “As you know, it was because of an illness that I first preached the gospel to you. Even though my illness was a trial to you, you did not treat me with contempt or scorn. Indeed, you welcomed me…” (Gal 4:13-14) Paul saw God use him in a time when he was being a burden on others! How do we get all these stressed out, overwhelmed, burnt out volunteers? Because they have followed the example of a self-martyring leadership model that tries to do everything and not bother anyone else. Yet, the Word calls us to, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal 6:2). When we pretend to have it all together and not need help, trying not to bother anyone, we are providing an ungodly example, and it keeps the church tired, worn out and uninspired. We need to model healthy boundaries and respect for people when they say no, and show people how to ask for help by doing it ourselves.

People Are Not Projects

Third, I have to stop making people my projects. I need to love them for who they are individually, and not for another notch in my belt of “another one saved,” “another one who signed up for the spiritual gifts class,” or “another one who is starting their own small group.” This is SO hard. I have to pray hard to guard myself from thinking of people this way. When I can begin building into people’s lives out of sheer love, and not for tapping into their usefulness to the ministry, something amazing happens. We begin a process of friendship that’s real, where I can enter into their pain and join their joy, without wondering how my interests are going to be affected by their progress or setbacks. I can only do this when I remember that God is the one at work in their hearts, moving them to maturity - it’s not my responsibility to do that. “I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy… being confidant that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Phil 1:3-4,6).

It’s Not All About Me

Finally, help each member look out for the individuals in the group and feel committed to their best: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Phil 2:3), and later: “I have no one else like him [Timothy], who takes a genuine interest in your welfare. Everyone else looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ” (Phil 2:20-21). This sense of commitment revolutionizes a group. Instead of the burden being on the small group leader alone, every person is committed…

• …to bring the others to God in prayer,
• …to help out in times of spiritual, physical, emotional and mental need,
• …to resolve conflict when it arises,
• …to bring up areas of growth when they see them,
• …to be the body of Christ together.