3 Ways to Engage Young Men in Your Ministry
For as long as I can remember, I have heard this saying: “If you get the girls to come to church, the guys will follow.” For several years I believed that saying and even have a number of friends who followed girls to church and ended up becoming great men of faith. Unfortunately, most of the ministries I’ve known over the years have had tremendous women involved and serving, but still the group struggled to have consistent male connectivity. So, I wonder if the old adage is really true?
If the Scripture is true about the importance of male leadership, then how do we engage the young men of our communities? Perhaps the most basic way for our churches to reach men is to help them find commonalities with other men. This, of course, is not rocket science, but guys want to find other guys who like the same things they like. Helping the men in your ministry understand this is crucial. This common ground approach is how I got involved in campus ministry many years ago. I met a guy in class who said he was involved in a campus ministry that played football on Monday nights, and I should come play with them. I showed up to the football game and for the next three years invested my life with men and women who wanted to make a difference on my campus for the sake of Christ. Successful ministries will have engineers, musicians, scholars, athletes, gamers, techies, entrepreneurs, etc. Now, you may not be able to appeal to everyone, so find out what commonalities already exist in your ministry and build on those while seeking to reach new guys to fill in the areas you are lacking.
If the ministry is lacking in an area, the second way you may able to reach men is through acceptance and authenticity. One of the great difficulties for men is the perception of always being in a competition with other men, especially when it comes to interaction with the women in the ministry. If your ministry will welcome each person as he is and provide a non-competitive environment, each man will flourish. This means the guy must believe he is accepted by the other men and not seen as a threat to them. Though he may not admit it publicly, he must have a safe place to be himself and not feel like he has to always be on his “A” game to impress the women, the other guys, or the leaders. In providing this authentic environment, you allow men to shed the stereotypes of culture and develop into well-rounded followers of Christ.
For men to develop into mature followers of Christ, they must also have a venue to openly dialogue about questions of faith. In your ministry’s attempt to reach men, provide a healthy environment for intellectual discussion. More and more of our young adults are educating themselves on the social, political, and moral issues of the day. Rather than holding firm to the ol’ “because the Bible says so” answers, help the young men of your community find open forums of discussion where they can hear and discuss the truth without it being an emotionally charged dialogue or one-sided affair. They are looking for solid, biblical answers to life’s questions. Zacchaeus and Nicodemus are perfect biblical examples of the importance of open dialogue in matters of faith and life. They were intellectual men who needed real answers to the deep questions of life. We must allow men to ask questions and wrestle with them so they can then take the answers to a world that is asking the same things.
Though it may be true that women will attract men, it is a short-term/short-sighted solution to reaching the men in our colleges and communities, especially if we want these same men to lead out in their faith now and in the future. May we be challenged as leaders to “get the guys,” so everyone will come.
About the Author
David Lorenz works alongside college students and singles at First Baptist Church, Orlando, FL. He has been involved in college/singles ministry for 14 years in Texas and Florida. He is passionate about developing young adults into men and women who will change their piece of the world for God’s kingdom. He and his wife, Brandie, enjoy the chaos of their three boys, Reid, Evan, and Tate (thank goodness for theme parks). He can be reached at lorenzd@yahoo.com.
There have been 7 replies so far
Do you have any examples of activities to get men involved?
1 | Teresa Baird
Thursday, May 28, 2009, at 6:25pm
I would also recommend two books - one a story of authenticity: Samson and the Pirate Monks by Nate Larkin
the other - a look at courage and men and how we are all born with it, but the realization that it is a muscle we hardly use: Unleashing Courageous Faith by Paul Coughlin
These two books should be the handshake for men’s ministry.
2 | Kortland Fuqua
Thursday, May 28, 2009, at 9:50pm
My response to Teresa is a very personalized one and as such may not fit well for other men and I may even be in the minority. Nonetheless I completely agree with David and for me David’s 3 ways flesh themselves out like this: I think they play out in the reverse order in which David lists them. Provide Christian men (small groups, single large group, one-on-one shepherding, whatever proves effective) the opportunity and accountability to learn about the God of the Bible (David’s “intellectual discussion” part). I believe the bible indicates that the outcome will be an appreciation for God’s gospel and a desire to follow God’s law, both of which drive us (and equip us) toward evangelism. THEN we simply get and stay involved in the activities we already have an interest in (David’s “authentic” part) and we mentor, minister, pray for, discuss with the men God brings into our path as we enjoy those activities (David’s “commonalities” part). Then those whom become Christians come into the church and the whole wonderful cycle repeats with them.
What this looks like for me is that I have to intentionally make time away from my family to frequent my local climbing gym and build relationships with those who are there (as opposed to building a climbing gym in my church). It means I need to get involved with inter-city ministries, maybe just sharing a sandwich frequently with a homeless man during my lunch break. It means I need to get invested in the lives of vendors who I do business with through work (working for a Christian organization, it takes creativity to evangelize at work). Every Christian man’s list of what interests them will be different which is great and beautiful. They can authentically share Christ with those in their peer group just as I can with mine.
This is in contrast to “men’s ministry” being defined as the act of bringing non-christian men into the church under the auspice of a Men’s bowling tournament or Men’s movie night or a fishing trip then once we have the captive audience, hit them with the gospel. These efforts seem very inauthentic and even deceptive (obviously only my opinion, this is where many will disagree). I’d much prefer a men’s ministry that merely equipped me as a Christian man within the church through rigorous apologetic study, accountability, evangelism/preaching study and practice so that I would be equipped to go out away from the church and interact naturally with unbelievers in a way that shows God’s love in an authentic way that earns me the right to explain to my fellow man where that love comes from.
3 | Benny
Thursday, May 28, 2009, at 10:47pm
I have a Sunday school and bible study (18-29 yr olds)that draws mostly all men. My problem is getting the girls to come. I think they feel overwhelmed.
4 | Kim
Friday, May 29, 2009, at 6:07am
Kim,I agree. Our situation is nearly the same. Sometimes one single lady can feel intimidated. Any suggestions?
5 | Randal
Sunday, May 31, 2009, at 11:26pm
Thank you for this article. It really help to see alternative ways and view new considerations in targeting and reaching more young adults through our class and Bible study fellowship.
6 | Randal
Sunday, May 31, 2009, at 11:31pm
Nice article by David. My only comment to the article was the statement “..If scripture is true about the importance of male leadership…” Scripture is TRUE and our abdication of that God ordained role is one of the major obstacles we are attempting to over come, it has been since Adam and Eve but because men have not lead in Servant/Leader model, we have made it worse not better. Thank God Jesus came to be our perfect model.
Activities to get involved with in general go along with Bennie’s model of relationships, activities like men’s events and sports, Bible studies will all attract men, but it is building long lasting relationships with other men that will sustain them. Like David and Jonathan, Paul and Timothy, etc.
My feedback to Kim and Randal about having mostly men and wanting to attract women to the group my comment would be why? Men process and dialogue different than women and while I am not anti-coed, in most cases men will not participate as well in a coed setting as they will in men only setting. As you all build strong Christian men, Christian women will be VERY attracted to them outside of the class!
I agree with Kortland’s book suggestions and would add a few more. To really see a model for ministry to men in your church, read No Man Left Behind, Patrick Morley & Man In The Mirror have given us a vision to discipling men, but the model works for all, men, women and children. The other books are Why Men Hate Going to Church, by David Murrow, this book opens up some of the real issues that repel men or keep men from joining us on Sunday. The last book for today is What God does When Men Lead, by Bill Peel. This is a well written book that speaks directly to men.
My last suggestion is for men to look for a Men’s Fraternity class in your area. This is a Manhood Study, 3 curriculum’s that are being done literally around the world.
Hope all this was helpful and again thanks to David for the article, because we need YOUNG men as badly as we need men.
7 | Tom
Tuesday, June 2, 2009, at 10:32am
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