Throwing Away Memories
My wife and I are moving to a new home so that, of course, means getting this house cleaned out and ready to sell. And so, today, I began to work through the little drawer in the corner of my office; the one that holds notes and cards, pictures and papers. The one little place where my memories live on, frozen in time.
How do you choose what memories to throw away?
I found in my little chest of memories a binder full of newsletters I made for the Bible study I helped run back at Mentor High School. It’s a virtual library of old things I used to write… a blog on paper form! don’t need to keep multiple copies of each newsletter… but how many should I keep? 3? 5? Just recycle them all?
How do I choose which memories are okay to keep?
I’m very happily married; I love my wife and she is without a doubt the most important woman in my life. So what do I do with all these notes and letters from the women who shaped me into the man that I am now? Is it okay to keep the getting-to-know-you letters from Kim in 1996… do I keep the ones from 2000 telling me thanks for being a good man, thanks for helping her grow, now she’s found the love of her life? What about the letters from Jen when we fought because she started dating someone else? Allen’s random notes that are just as funny today as they were when I was 16? Or the note of encouragement from Jessica after my speech running for Student Council President (my platform was “No New Taxes”)?
These memories of men and women, their stories and how they collided, were are part of, and tore away from mine… what do I keep? How can I send them off to be collected with the rest of our trash to be collected some Friday morning? And yet, what need do I have of them other than to look at them the next time I rearrange furniture and decide to throw away a few more..?
How in the world do I decide what memories to keep and what to let slip away?
Somehow, mixed in with all these other keepsakes, is a stack of greeting cards that my dad had given to my mom. Some cute, some saucy, and some full of apology. Is this something to keep for my kids who will never meet their grandmother? They’re just cards… very few words written in them. Who am I to decide that this card goes in the trash, while that one I let sit in this drawer another twenty years.
And if I don’t decide to let it go… do I want my kids to have to make that choice? Do I want my grandkids to see these memories? The story of how I grew up will be lost on my grandkids if I don’t tell them… do I leave these notes and pictures of people they won’t know lying around so I can keep them as a visual aid? Which of these stories will change the live of my grandkids that they tell their grandkids..?
And if I only have half a drawer of notes and papers and photos… how many memories have I already lost?
There have been 4 replies so far
It is harder for some than others. My suggestion: Go through each one: Ask these simple questions: How often will I refer back to it, what will my wife, children and grandchildren think of this saved memory, how important is it to my life today… that should narrow your keep list. For the rest - I would suggest getting photo albums with the full page display. That way you can put those important letters on display, photos and cards. Another idea is to scan them and put them onto disc… that way you save time and space - and still have most at your fingertips.
If it’s memories such as love letters from other women that would hurt your wife and not help… then trash them… your past is your past… you have a future to live… but journal your experiences down in remembrance of what made you the person you are today… reference the note.. but don’t keep it… you’ll know what you are talking about.. another will know only of the gist and concept….
Hope this helps… Don’t forget to pray over those memories that are hard to decide between…
1 | BDoc
Monday, June 4, 2007, at 11:43am
I cherish the things I have kept, in photo album form, some scanned and some in a shoebox (I know it is not very organized, but hey I know where they are.) Some of the things I show to my son for him to know a glimpse of his past, and also mine. He loves to look at pictures of his Granny that he so dearly misses, and knows one day he will see her again. He likes to hear stories to accompany pictures and letters from my grandpa. I know how much I enjoyed them, but I know it is hard to decide what to keep and not to keep. If you keep everything for always, where would you live in your house? Pray, talk with your wife, and see which ones are worth keeping in a photo album or which are worthy of scanning to your computer. Good Luck! - Crystal Lynn
2 | collegestudentforJesus
Monday, June 4, 2007, at 4:03pm
Every time I go through my “drawer of memories” I throw away a few more of those cards and notes and memories….Each year I feel a little more comfortable parting with some things, however, like you there are some things in my “drawer” that I’m not sure I should get rid of because of what they mean to me. Basically I decide if I will someday regret throwing that note or card away and if I decide that I won’t then I do throw it away, and if I decide to keep it then the next year when I go through the “drawer” again I’ll ask myself the same question… So far I haven’t thrown away anything that I’ve regretted later throwing away…
3 | dlknee
Thursday, June 7, 2007, at 6:16pm
The collecting of memories and things of significant seems to be common among Americans. I have awards, letters, books, video tapes, and many other forms of important objects in my life. I look back when my grandparents died and saw what my family had to do when the time came to “get rid” of their belongings. The other day, while driving down my street I caught a glimps of a sign that said “Estate Sale.” My neighbor had just died and his sons were getting rid of his things. They exclaimed to my parents “this stuff means nothing to us.” I wondered what things had impressed into their lives about their parents that the things they owned didn’t mean much. Was it the Christmas dinners, or the Birthday gatherings? Wondering what the “Davey Allison” matchbox car still sealed meant to the 80 something year old man and how my dad purchased it for twenty-five cents. It was odd to sit at my window and see the locals drive away with furniture, tools, and personal items. Like they had just went into the nearest beach flea market and come out like bandits from the biggest hiest. I often look at my personal owned items. My collection of Oasis LP albums, still sealed, or my collection of DVDs. Do they really say much about the person who sits behind this computer writing to you with itchy eyes from my early morning work schedule. Does any of those items scream caring person? My guitar that only sings self learned tunes. And how much my fingers actually hurt while learning the chords? We keep these things to remind us of the good times we’ve had, the interesting experiences and the value of what those things mean emotionallly. Aaron, keep your things. Let someone else figure out what to do with them later on.
4 | CMORTON8
Monday, June 11, 2007, at 2:39pm
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