The Song In My Head
I’ve been listening to a lot of Snow Patrol lately, and there is one lyric that especially catches in my head -
“It’s not as easy as willing it all to be right Gotta be more than hoping it’s right I wanna hear you laugh like you really mean it Collapse into me, tired with joy…”
It says so much to me about what I want my life to be about.
Sometimes what I don’t want… comes from me. “For I do not understand what I am doing, because I do not practice what I want to do, but I do what I hate.” It’s really not as easy as willing it all to be right. We’ve got to be more than hoping we’re right. We make choices. I know that, for me, it’s a daily choice I have to make to stop and listen. It’s a choice that doesn’t come naturally. I’m very headstrong. I very much want to take control of my situation. I’m wrestling with it daily.
I’m seeking my direction and my place. I’m learning more about myself: I like running. I love being tall. I need to stop finishing other people’s sentences. I let my mind run away with thoughts that go nowhere. I have a desire for someone to be desperate for me - for my thoughts, my person, my company. I enjoy making people laugh. I have a knack for it most of the time. I love children beyond reason. I love their joy. I love the funny things they say. I love the abandon with which they approach life. I love the way that they love. I crave personal contact. I enjoy food most when it’s shared. I have to be careful not to hole up alone. I love scents that hold memories. I don’t think there’s anything more comfortable than pajamas. I’m girlier than I usually admit. I’m stronger than most people see. I have no patience for dishonesty. I’m learning to accept and appreciate honesty in others whether I like the truth or not. I’m learning to distinguish the truth from what I want things to be. I’m learning more of what I want. I’ve had enough of what I don’t.
There have been 2 replies so far
I’m going through the same thing, but I have to remind myself constantly that God has a purpose for me (for everyone) and that I’m not just shooting in the dark for some job or lifestyle that I would like to have. It’s more than that, and I know that we’ll find it with God’s help because just our willing it to be isn’t enough… we need God’s help. It’s that simple to say, but it’s so hard to carry out. My friend tells me that we have to approach “the search” like eating an elephant; we have to take one bite at a time. We just allow God to work through our situations and work through us to bring about things that we would have never imagined. We can’t do anything, and I have another problem of trying to limit God. I know it’s wrong, and I’m struggling with that daily, too. We have to realize and attempt to comprehend that God is limitless, He can do anything that He wants to do despite any man-made theorem or law, and that is truly awesome.
1 | jenna.dee
Monday, February 12, 2007, at 8:02pm
tell your friends there that this blog isn’t updated nearly enough. i want more megan thoughts and it’s so interesting to read everyone else’s as well! What can I say, I am a new addict.
Love—Jess
2 | vanderbiltwife
Friday, February 16, 2007, at 11:09am
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