Managing the Big Hurt
The love of my life just got nailed with a major life disappointment and I have been pondering how much destructive power can be unleashed in the aftermath of such a situation. I literally could not function for the good part of the day — and night — because I was so angry that my best friend had been hurt.
You look for someone to blame. You search for somewhere to explode. You want someone to be as miserable as you are. You stuff yourself full of bad food. You can just roll yourself into an anger spiral that will take you into the pit.
I attempted to pray, but my anger was literally stopping me in my tracks as tried to ask my Lord how to respond to this.
Then, I realized, this is what God was warning Cain about in Genesis 4:6-7:
Why are you furious? And why are you downcast? If you do right, won’t you be accepted? But if you do not do right, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must master it.
We live in a fallen world, where every single day, well-meaning people can literally rip your heart out. If the love of Jesus Christ is not literally written on your heart, there’s a good chance you’re going to do untold collateral damage to the people around you if your temper is as hot as mine can be.
Two pieces of advice:
- Bust through the anger and pray. Ask the Holy Spirit to grab hold of your emotion and calm you down.
- Follow the 24-Hour Rule. If you or someone you love has just been beaten up by life or worse yet, by people you care about, wait 24 hours before you respond.
Do you have any advice for me? My burn rate is slowing, but it feels like it could re-ignite at any time.
About the Author
Jim Johnston has worked in a variety of roles, ranging from marketing to publishing to Internet development. Prior to coming to LifeWay, he worked as a reporter and editor for the Montgomery Advertiser and also as an adult-in-missions editor at the Brotherhood Commission in Memphis. Jim and his wife Tammy have been married for 23 years and have two sons, Spenser, 17, and Ethan, 10.
There have been 5 replies so far
I’m still trying to figure this out, so I can’t give any sound advice. Seems like my “life disappointments” have been numerous lately and I’ve become numb to a certain extent. But you just have to trust in God. Harder than it sounds…
1 | leann
Wednesday, July 18, 2007, at 2:24pm
leann, It’s the best advice. It’s just hard to take your hand off the wheel. We both know He is going to work this for good. We just don’t when and how. That drives us nuts and it doesn’t make us hurt any less now. It will in time. Numb is no good, either though. It’s just hard to work your way back from numb when you’ve really gotten beaten up like she has — and you have, it sounds like. jj
2 | Jim Johnston
Wednesday, July 18, 2007, at 2:30pm
The older I get the more I realize that life is filled with disappointment. During my own season of disappointment the Lord reminded me about the life of Joseph. His own brothers plotted to kill him, he was sold into slavery, he was falsely accused of sleeping with his boss’s wife, and then thrown into prison. Yet the Bible says that the Lord was with Joseph. Take a look.
Read Genesis 39: 2-5
2 The LORD was with Joseph and he prospered, and he lived in the house of his Egyptian master. 3 When his master saw that the LORD was with him and that the LORD gave him success in everything he did, 4 Joseph found favor in his eyes and became his attendant. Potiphar put him in charge of his household, and he entrusted to his care everything he owned. 5 From the time he put him in charge of his household and of all that he owned, the LORD blessed the household of the Egyptian because of Joseph. The blessing of the LORD was on everything Potiphar had, both in the house and in the field.
Read Genesis 39: 20-21; 23
20 Joseph’s master took him and put him in prison, the place where the king’s prisoners were confined. But while Joseph was there in the prison, 21 the LORD was with him; he showed him kindness and granted him favor in the eyes of the prison warden. 23 The warden paid no attention to anything under Joseph’s care, because the LORD was with Joseph and gave him success in whatever he did.
Fast forward a few years and we see that Joseph is brought out of prison and placed into a position of authority and over those who had caused him so much pain . Genesis 41:39-40
39 Then Pharaoh said to Joseph, “Since God has made all this known to you, there is no one so discerning and wise as you. 40 You shall be in charge of my palace, and all my people are to submit to your orders. Only with respect to the throne will I be greater than you.”
God had a plan all along even through the pain. The Bible says that “Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you.” Isaiah 54:10
Run towards God…not away from God. Man is flawed. God is not. He will work this disappointment for good. It’s a promise. Isaiah 49:23 says, “Then you will know that I am the LORD; those who hope in me will not be disappointed.”
Be Encouraged Today!
3 | Angel
Friday, July 20, 2007, at 2:02pm
The bottom line is that God will allow you to go through hurt in order to teach you the truths you need to know. It has been a hurtful week, but it also has been a great time of learning and of understanding. We have drawn closer together through this, and had opportunity to draw nearer to Him. The anger is melting away. Thanks friends!
4 | Jim Johnston
Tuesday, July 24, 2007, at 3:41pm
To add to your #1, you simply won’t find peace or joy in all your circumstances, whether they are watching someone you love endure pain or not having enough food to eat or water to drink (what Paul’s talking about in Romans 14:17) but as Paul says your only joy and your only peace come “in” the Spirit, not “in” your circumstances. What’s that mean though? I think it means that you focus on your lot in life and where your disobedience to the Lord (and your mate’s) should, rightfully put you. Regardless of what you are going through on this earth, it can’t be worse than God pouring out His just wrath on you for all eternity. Focus on that pain and the revelation that you will never experience that pain which you actually deserve. That’s got to count for something. In fact, THAT is where I find “righteousness, peace, and joy” that Paul promises. Through that lens of true reality (not this world’s reality that is the mere shadow of true reality that CS Lewis writes about so much) perhaps we can joyfully worship Christ not due our circumstances but despite them.
Romans 14:17 for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit.
5 | benny
Thursday, July 26, 2007, at 2:08pm
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