Getting Past Regret

This week, I received word from two friends of mine that a co-worker from our collective past had passed away. To put it mildly, this woman and I had not parted company on the best of terms.

At her best, she was a wonderful, warm person who really cared about others. On an average day, she was good at what she did and helped make everyday life better for those around her. She was the life of the party. At her worst, she was violently self-destructive and had a tendency to drag others down with her. She had a big problem that killed her job performance and later killed her.

I was simply too young, too immature and too stubborn to understand that problem and help her deal with it. I merely judged her and moved on. It was a much easier and much more efficient way to deal with her.

Right now, I am suffering major pangs of regret.

Regret for spending more time pounding on her than trying to understand her.
Regret for not spending more time with her.
Reget for not helping her find a relationship with Jesus Christ.
Regret for not helping her find concrete help RIGHT THEN, 15 YEARS AGO, in dealing with her problem.

Maybe she would be alive today. Maybe she would have had a full, abundant life. Maybe…

The only thing I do can now is to resolve to dive deeply into the lives of others who need help, who need love, who need messy, unconditional commitment from a imperfect individual who refuses to let them disappear into the abyss of addiction.

That, and ask for forgiveness from a God who never gives up on me.

That’s the best I can do right now, which doesn’t feel like much—to be perfectly, brutally honest.